


Shut Up And Drive

by linvro21



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Bad Puns, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Football | Soccer, M/M, Sexual Fantasy, Smart Liam, almost superheroes, expensive cars, lilo, tiny bit of ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:12:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linvro21/pseuds/linvro21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Louis is an injured footie-player with too much pent up sexual frustration, Liam’s a handsome private chauffeur with a possible double life, and Mr. Malik is a rich dick (or is he?).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut Up And Drive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlepinkbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlepinkbow/gifts).



> Written for [littlepinkbow](http://xxlittlepinkbow.tumblr.com) for the 2014 1d secret [snowflake](http://1dffsecretsnowflakes.tumblr.com) fic exchange.
> 
> Thanks to [Bunny](http://ohthatbunnygirl.tumblr.com) for her help and ideas, and for the extremely last-minute beta

“It just won’t fit,” Niall said desperately, as he tried another position to fold Louis into his car.

Several people watched their antics in amusement, adding to Louis’ shitty mood. It was bad enough he had bummed his knee at today’s game, but then he had to be on his best behavior handing out autographs at the hospital, and taking selfies with fans while he was in pain. Plus he’d just been told that he wouldn’t be playing for a good two weeks.

Actually, when he was honest with himself, he was still very flattered every time someone even recognized him. It was only two months ago that his dream had come true when he started playing for the Doncaster Rovers, and he was enjoying this part of the job. Most of the time.

In the hospital he _did_ get a really cool, enormous teddybear in a little Rovers shirt from a fan that was now stuffed in the tiny back seat of Niall’s hugely impractical car. The bear, not the fan.

Still, today, he wasn’t in the best of moods.

“What are you implying here, Horan? That your pathetic excuse for a penis enlargement is no match for my magnificent, yet slightly damaged body?” 

Louis tapped Niall on the forehead with his fingers as he was trying to help him into the car from the driver’s side. It turned out not to be one of his brighter ideas while balancing on one foot, half immersed head first in his mate’s sportscar. He lost his balance and with a loud yelp Louis fell backwards, ass first, into the arms of one of the onlookers.

Great, that would be on the internet instantly, probably.

The kind stranger’s hands first caught, then tightly gripped Louis’ bum, and righted him with ease against the side of the car. When Louis turned around and looked up, he saw two men standing before him. The guy on the right seemed unimpressed and lifted a dark eyebrow to the well built one on the left, who was still slightly panting from the exertion, looking at Louis face a touch too long before he averted his eyes.

This must be his knight in shining armor then.

Niall, in the meantime, was lying face down in the car, laughing his ass off. The fucker.

“Thank you for rescuing me, dear sir,” Louis said seemingly unperturbed as he extended his hand to the hero of the moment, and unsteadily curtsied on one leg. He threw in a wink for good measure, because both men were pleasing to the eye.

His rescuer took his hand firmly. “No problem really, my pleasure.” He pushed his dark rimmed glasses back onto his nose, and straightened his suit.

Louis looked him up and down. This guy was quite hot in a professional kind of broad-shouldered and well-tailored way.

“Who _wouldn’t_ find pleasure in fondling the arse of the great Louis Tomlinson?” Louis asked while he smiled his cutest smile, topping it off with a smirk artfully, and he was pleased to see the guy glancing around quickly and averting his gaze to his strong hands. 

Muted laughter still came from within the car, causing Louis to abruptly duck his head down to Niall. 

“Would you shut the fuck up?” he hissed at his friend, who had hoisted himself up into a sitting position, but was inevitably hit by a new round of giggles. No good ass of a mate.

Niall unfortunately, wasn’t any more impressed with Louis’ death stare now, as he was when Louis and him were still kicking the ball around in the street they grew up on, and he as always managed to widely miss the goal. He hadn’t become a goalie for nothing.

“You’re making me look like an ass,” Louis hissed again.

Niall grabbed his knees while laughing so hard, he could hardly speak. “You’re doing a fine job of that yourself, mate.”

Just as Louis turned back towards the men, his knight made to turn around and leave. 

“Well, I think it’s time for us to-”, he started to say, only to be interrupted by his companion’s hand on his arm.

The other man, with the eyebrows, was looking at Louis with a wicked glint in his eyes, as he held on to said arm. The corner of his mouth minutely twitched before he spoke. 

“Mr. Tomlinson, my assistant and chauffeur Mr. Pay-,” he coughed to clear his throat, ”Liam here, has a bit of a habit of rescuing damsels in distress.”

Louis was barely able to catch a glimpse of the look Liam gave his boss, before he quickly restored his gaze to his hands. 

He didn’t quite know if he was pleased with being compared to a damsel, so he puffed out his chest a bit.

The man continued. 

“It’s the reason we’re here actually.” He gestured to the sleek and expensive looking car that was parked in line behind Niall’s ridiculously impractical Porsche 911. “We just dropped off another rescuee.”

Niall popped his head around the car. He stared blatantly at Liam’s boss for a few seconds.

“Nice car mate, Maybach yeah? What business are you in then?” he asked the guy with the eyebrows.

The man quickly looked at his driver and started to hesitantly reply before he was interrupted by a car horn that angrily beeped from somewhere behind them. A line of about ten cars had built up, clearly waiting for their turn to pick people up from the hospital-entrance they were currently blocking.

Liam’s boss nodded his head shortly at Louis, as if he’d come to a decision. 

“Zayn Malik, pleasure to meet you Mr. Tomlinson. You seem to have ran into some trouble here. Could we maybe give you a ride? My chauffeur will get you where you want to go, if you know what I mean. He’s a _great_ fan.”

Liam suddenly smacked Mr. Malik over the back of the head. “Wasp,” he mumbled.

Louis looked from Mr. Malik’s amused smile to his driver’s glum expression. Great football fan huh? He had a hard time believing this man could get enthusiastic about anything but a neatly parallel parked car.

Mr. Malik continued, “Actually, he wouldn’t mind it at all to drive you around for the rest of the day, would you Liam? As it is your job? And it isn’t that hard of a job compared to, say, doing research into acquiring superpowers via science? I think I heard someone claim the other day?”

Louis glanced at Niall and they shared a poignant look. He thought Liam’s boss was kind of a dick. Beautiful. Nice eyebrows. But still a dick.

Looking at Liam, he had to have the same idea about his boss, because what Liam said was somehow the complete opposite of the glare he sent to his boss, “Yes Mr. Malik, of course sir. Please follow me, Mr. Tomlinson, sir.”

He caught the keys Mr. Malik threw at him easily.

Louis remained leaning against the side of Niall’s car, the driver not noticing until after he was already seated.

Mr. Malik coughed. “Driver?” 

When his chauffeur didn’t react, he called out a louder “Oi, Liam!” and he gestured to Louis.

Liam casually scratched his left eyebrow with his middle finger - he was clearly a bit of a rebel underneath his proper exterior - before he got out of the car and walked around to the opposite side and opened the rear door for Louis.

Several more cars honked their horns, and someone yelled for them to hurry the fuck up.

“Yeah mate,” Louis said to Liam, cocking his hip and flicking some hair out of his eyes. He looked down at his bandaged knee. “Can’t exactly walk, now can I? Want me to change into my Superman costume and fly over there?”

“Liam, just assist the man,” Mr. Malik said.

Louis saw the driver’s jaw tightening at their remarks, and he watched Liam close his eyes for a moment to take a deep breath. “Of course Mr. Malik, sir.” 

Liam walked over to Louis with large strides while throwing murderous looks at his boss, and Louis winced when the driver stopped right in front of them. When Zayn raised his eyebrows into a steady horizontal position, Louis was almost certain that the tall man would start yelling at him or punching him or something. 

He let out a silent breath.

After a moment of absolute tension, Liam looked back to Mr. Malik who performed his eyebrow trick again. Then Liam suddenly picked Louis up and threw him over his shoulder.

“Hey, you,” Louis yelled, pounding with his fists on the driver’s broad back, “Don’t you know who I am? Put me down this instant.” 

He tried smiling at the bystanders, just in case someone was filming or taking pictures.

Of course, the fucker also known as Niall had his phone already out taking pictures of his unflattering position as he came running after them with the giant teddybear. “I’ll just tweet these now. The team will be glad to know you’re taken good care of, Lou!” he said with glee.

“You’re gonna pay for this, Horan!” Louis screamed out to Niall who was once again laughing out loud. ”Cause this ass is worth millions!”

 

Mr. Malik walked up to Louis’ window and tapped on it.

“I just wanted to assure you that Liam really isn’t as incompetent as he comes across. This recent behaviour is slightly out of character for him. You see, he’s just getting used to the job, but I’m positive he will do anything to make sure you’re happy, so don’t hesitate to ask, even if it’s just to get a cup of coffee or some errands you need him to run. And please feel free to use him all day.”

“Really?” Louis looked at Liam who was sitting almost stoically in the driver’s seat. “So, basically he’s my personal slave for the day?” 

“You could say that, yes,” Mr. Malik said. “I’ll just catch a ride home with your mate, if that’s okay?”

Niall’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

Louis was already thinking of the ways he was going to get that Liam fellow back for humiliating him like that. 

 

_“Thanks for rescuing me, firefighter Liam,” Louis says as he is softly lowered from a strong shoulder._

_“No problem really, my pleasure,” says the firefighter. “An ass like yours is worth saving any day.”_

_Louis blushes coyly. “You’re not so bad looking yourself, firefighter Liam,” Louis says as he strokes the sooted, naked biceps of his rescuer. He leans in to lick the strong muscles._

_The firefighter moans in delight, and grabs hold of Louis’ backside with his large hands._

_“Maybe we should take this somewhere more private?” Louis asks with a wink._

 

“Where to?” Liam asked.

“Take me home, good sir.” He gestured haughtily with his hand in the general direction of his apartment, trying to emanate some kind of composure.

Liam turned the windscreen wipers on and then quickly off. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘stupid car’, turned on the lights and started the car.

Louis really didn’t mean to let his mind drift of like that, although it had been a pretty good fantasy. It just seemed to happen a lot lately.

He texted Harry on the way with a list of some stuff he thought he’d need for the day, and a brief explanation of his plans. If Liam thought he would be done after this ride, he wasn’t much of a true Tommo fan.

 

The ride was spent in silence.

Louis took the opportunity to study his driver in detail. Well, the part of him he could see over the opened partition, which was effectively from his shoulders up. From this position, his shoulders looked even more impressive.

 

_“Liam, do you mind if I take off your tie? I don’t think this level of formality will be really necessary today.”_

_“Oh, no. Thats alright sir, go ahead. Mr. Malik makes me wear them, but I’m not much on ties anyway.”_

_Louis unties the knot and slips the tie slowly from Liam’s neck. He proceeds to open the top button of Liam’s dress shirt._

_“Ties can be of use sometimes,” Louis says with a meaningful look to Liam in the rearview mirror._

_Liam’s big brown eyes meet his, they convey surprise and a hint of something darker, arousal maybe._

_After Louis sufficiently opens the top few buttons, he slowly slips his hand into Liam’s shirt. Liam shivers slightly as Louis explores his shoulders and the little chesthairs on top of firm muscles._

_Louis squeezes them softly and Liam lets out a low moan._

 

“We’re here,” Liam said.

Louis opened his eyes, and dammit, this was not supposed to happen. Again.

Liam got out and opened his door, but Louis remained seated, and Liam looked expectantly into the car.

“Hey, Harry. Over here!” Louis shouted startling Liam.

Harry jogged over, carrying a small bag. He was looking from Louis, to Liam, to the car, and back.

“How’s the knee, Lou? You know, _kneesy_ does it,” Harry said with lots of dimples.

Louis groaned.

“Don’t just stand there, Harry. Get in. We have a city to explore, things to do and all that jazz. Where can I take you?”

“To Niall’s? I was just going to go over and beat him at Fifa. Again,” he grinned.

“Driver, you heard the man.”

 

Louis took off his footie-shirt and changed into the clean one with the Marvel print Harry brought him. He thought he caught Liam sneaking a glance at him during, but he wasn’t sure. Could be just wishful thinking.

Harry being Harry had of course forgotten to pack Louis’ coat, but the car was nice and warm, so he’d live.

It was sick to explore the car with Harry. They pushed every blue backlit button they could find, starting the seats to vibrate, a chilled bottle of coke and matching glass to appear, and the sunroof to open and quickly close because it was too fucking cold.

“Hey Lou, look what I found,” Harry said gleefully. He retrieved a whole stack of comic books from underneath his seat.

“Batman and Iron Man, cool.”

Louis tried to feel if there was anything hidden underneath his own seat, but the teddy bear on his lap, the footstool, and his injured leg were in the way.

“Here, let me,” Harry said, starting to awkwardly climb over Louis’ leg.

“Ouch, Harry, be careful,” Louis almost screamed.

Liam glanced over his shoulder right at the moment Harry fell face first into Louis’ crotch. The driver averted his eyes quickly, with a light red hue tinting his cheeks.

“Found me some nuts!” Harry said triumphantly. He held up a large yellow bag of M&Ms. “Get it? Nuts?” he asked, looking at Louis pointedly.

Louis just groaned again.

“And this device looking thingy.” 

Harry held up a little black box.

Liam started coughing at that.

“Erm, you’d best hand that over to me. I wouldn’t want you to, erm, I mean, I don’t think Mr. Malik would be too thrilled if it fell into the wrong hands.”

Louis’ interest was peaked at that. His finger hovered over the black little button next to the blinking red light.

“What does it do, Liam? Does it activate the ejector seat? Hmm?” he teased. “Or will it set off something pure evil like a... Puppy Attract-inator?” 

Louis tried to keep a straight face while stroking the teddy bear. He faked a raspy voice, “Hear my demands. Get me some coffee or else the streets will be filled with puppies!”

Harry giggled and started singing, “My name is Doof, and you’ll do what I say. Whoop whoop!”

They whooped with raised arms for a minute together until Louis got bored. 

 

Just after he pressed the button anyway - because what are buttons for, if not pressing? - the car came to a screeching halt. 

Liam jumped out and ran across the street. Louis saw him scooping up a puppy from the road and handing its leash to a little girl with ponytails. A woman hurried over and shook Liam’s hand in gratitude. She then proceeded to take a picture of the girl, her puppy, and Liam. When Liam crossed the street back to the car, mother and daughter stared happily and excitedly at the picture on the phone.

 

_“I’ll never talk,” Louis says while he’s tied to a chair in the laboratory of the evil Dr. Malik._

_“We’ll see about that.” The villain arranges a devilish looking apparatus to point at Louis._

_“Behold the Secrets Extract-inator!”_

_“No, not the Secrets Extract-inator! Anything but the Secrets Extract-inator! Somebody save me!” Louis screams._

_“Muahahahahaaa,” the evil mastermind laughs as he lowers his eyebrows intimidatingly._

_Instantly, a flash of color bursts through the lab, and moments later Louis is held untied and well in the arms of a masked man. A very muscular and strong masked man._

_“Thank you ever so much for rescuing me,” Louis says and he kisses the mouth beneath the mask._

_His hero has very soft, full lips that he licks along Louis’ bottom lip._

_Louis’ sighs into the warmth of his mouth._

 

Harry elbowed Louis back to the real world and gave him a knowing look.

“Not again, Lou?”

Louis rolled his eyes at Harry. Fucker. Never ever trust Harry with confidential information.

“Really? Him?” Harry nudged his head none too subtle in the general direction of Liam.

Luckily Liam didn’t notice, because he was immersed in a conversation of his own.

“We’re driving to Niall’s apparently.”

“...”

“You want me to pick up my own dry-cleaning?”

“...”

“Zay- Mr. Malik, this isn’t funny. I am busy. Bye.”

 

Louis couldn’t help but stare at the side view of Liam’s lips when he was talking. 

Liam looked up and caught his gaze, and Louis was forced to look away to the little black box with the apparent mysterious powers in his hands.

“Well,” Louis said as he carefully turned the small device over in his hands. “Here you go then,” and he handed it over to Liam as if it could explode any minute.

Their fingers touched briefly.

“What do you call a frozen dog?” Harry asked, “A pupsicle!”

 

Thankfully they dropped off Harry at Niall’s soon after that, and then it was just the two of them in the car again. And Donny, the teddy bear.

“I wasn’t kidding about the coffee earlier, you know? Take me to The Cheesecake Factory,” Louis said.

Liam turned the car around and they drove to the city center. He stopped the car at the curb in front of the little shop.

“So, how do you want to do this, sir?”

“I thought you’d carry me.”

“Excuse me?” Liam said a bit indignant as he turned around in his seat. “You want me to what?”

“Carry me, piggyback? I still have no crutches and I thought it would be nice, you know, to go in together?”

And Louis also really wanted to hold on to those strong shoulders and feel Liam’s body between his thighs, but that wasn’t something he was going to say out loud anytime soon.

“I mean, I could use some air,” Louis backpedalled.

“I’m not your personal slave.”

“That’s not what your boss thinks,” Louis said with a devilish grin.

Liam’s face darkened a bit at that.

“But it’s raining? You don’t even have a coat or jacket. You’d get soaked.”

“Hey, what happened to calling me ‘sir’? I was just getting used to that. And you would lend me your jacket, of course.”

“I would?” Liam asked perplexed, adding a reluctant “sir?” after a few beats.

“Yes, of course you’d lend me your jacket. It’s raining, I’m hurt, you would be my hero. Again. It’s the chivalrous thing to do, really.”

He still looked unconvinced.

“We’ll pay for the coffee?” Louis tried, holding Donny up next to his face, pouting just a bit, and batting his eyelashes for full effect.

Liam removed his glasses and put them on the dash, then he removed his jacket and passed it on to Louis.

“This better be damn good coffee,” he mumbled just loud enough for Louis to hear. “The things I do for this guy.”

While they were waiting for their coffees, a lanky man wearing a The Flash t-shirt over a longsleeve came up to them, almost bowing down.

Liam stepped in front of Louis a bit.

“Excuse me, could I have your autograph, please?”

“Of course,” Louis and Liam said at the same time.

Louis looked at Liam very surprised. 

Liam looked back seemingly very startled.

“Why- You’re not famous or anything. Are you?” Louis added unsurely.

“To Sheldon,” the man interrupted eagerly, pushing a little notebook and pen into Liam’s hands.

Liam quickly scribbled an illegible autograph down and handed it back.

He whispered into Louis’ ear, “He must be mistaking me for somebody else, just humor the guy.”

Louis felt goosebumps rise at the back of his neck.

“Cool shirt,” he said with his most comforting smile. The one he used on crazy fans and his nan. And sometimes on Harry if he was having a particularly daft moment.

“Oh, thanks.” The man looked very pleased, and then very disappointed. “They didn’t have one of him,” he said pointing at Liam. “Did you know-”

Liam started coughing. “Oh, look, our coffees, let’s go.”

 

In the car, as he was sipping his hot coffee, Louis could still feel where Liam had held his thighs firmly. He also noticed that Liam’s white dress shirt had gone a bit see through because of their two encounters with the rain.

 

_An eighties song that Louis doesn’t recognize starts to play as he watches the poorly lit stage._

_A guy in a suit enters. Louis can’t make out his face, but he can see his shape. It’s a good, strong shape in the nicely tailored suit._

_The man dances to the music for a bit, it’s nothing too terribly exciting, but he seems to know what he’s doing._

_Suddenly, the man is out of his suit. He’s only left in a little booty short._

_That’s when the music picks up and the man starts to dance for real._

_When the spotlight comes on, Louis can see that it’s Liam who’s dancing around a chair on the stage. He has glitter on his cheeks and he’s giving some sort of abstract lap dance to the non-existent person on the chair._

_Louis feels his cheeks heating up and dick perking up at the same time._

_All. Those. Delicious. Muscles._

_Liam sits down on the chair and rubs his stomach and chest sensually, before he reaches his hand up and out to a rope that’s dangling above his head._

_He pulls the rope._

_An enormous amount of water falls down on his fit body with a huge splash._

 

“So,” Liam said. “What now, sir?”

Louis picked Donny out of the seat next to him and placed the bear over his lap. He shifted uncomfortably.

“To the butcher on Bow Lane. Let’s make my mate jealous.”

Louis snuggled deeper into Liam’s jacket, it smelled very nice. He noticed two soggy, folded pieces of paper in the jacket pocket. They seemed to be ripped out of some magazine.

The top one; ‘Paraxial Ray Optics Cloaking, by Dr. L.J. Payne’ looked extremely boring. The other article was more interesting and talked about how the same guy made a functional invisibility cloak from ordinary lenses. 

That would be so cool.

Louis was just sinking into another fantasy that might have starred Liam as a sexy Harry Potter when Liam opened the car window and started shouting out angrily.

“Hey! You!”

Louis saw two men involved in a struggle on the sidewalk look up in surprise. Before he knew it, Liam was running towards them.

The bigger guy seized the opportunity and grabbed hold of the smaller guy’s briefcase, and started to run off with it.

“Stop!” Liam yelled again. 

He sprinted and then jumped at the guy’s legs, tackling him to the ground. The guy grabbed Liam’s shirt and tore it in the process of trying to get a frantic Liam off of him. Liam managed to hit the guy in the stomach several times, but the guy didn’t give the briefcase up easily and he threw back some accurate punches.

Finally, Liam managed to get the briefcase back, but the guy escaped.

Louis relaxed a little.

The smaller man was obviously very grateful to Liam and pulled out his wallet to reward him, but Liam declined with a smile. The small audience that had gathered provided with an applause.

Louis was astounded.

On the way over to the car, Liam took off his ripped and wet dress shirt. It revealed a simple, white vest and some hugely impressive, tattooed arms. 

Not a superhero suit underneath then. Louis was strangely disappointed.

However, Liam _did_ resemble Bruce Willis in Die Hard a bit that moment. All tough and damaged, but hotter. It would have to do.

He got into the car as if nothing had happened.

“I’m starting to see what your boss meant when he said you have a habit of playing the hero. Actually, let me correct that, being a hero. Well done, mate.”

Liam’s cheeks colored a bright red at the compliment. He started the car and resumed their way to Bow Lane.

 

“Honk, please, Liam,” Louis said when they’d arrived at the butcher’s shop.

Nick came out wearing a bloody apron, looking annoyed, but his face lit up when he spotted Louis through the open window.

“Bunny! What the bloody hell are you doing in a Maybach? Do you know how much this car goes for?” Nick said in awe. “It would take me like, how many years?”

“Eight point three,” Liam said promptly.

Louis’ and Nick’s heads turned to Liam in astonishment, mouths hanging open.

“Approximately,” Liam said softly, as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Smart man, that one,” Nick said after a few seconds. “Good arms too,” he said with a wink to Louis. “So little bunny foo foo, what did you come here for? To gloat, I presume?”

“Yes, obviously. And to possibly get two of your famous steak and onion sandwiches on the house?”

 

While they waited, Louis texted the club’s PR-assistant and arranged for a surprise for Liam.

Within minutes, Nick delivered the sandwiches in an honest-to-god wicker basket.

“I threw in some drinks as well. Have a nice picnic together,” Nick smirked.

Liam turned around to Louis, but before he could ask, Louis said, “To the riverfront, near the bridge, please Liam. We can eat the sandwiches there maybe?”

He saw a small smile cross Liam’s face.

“That would be nice.”

“But first we have to make a quick stop at the Keepmoat stadium.”

When they got to the stadium the PR-lady was already waiting for them outside. She handed Louis an envelope for which he thanked her, of course.

 

At the river, they got out of the car, but they quickly concluded that it was too cold for them to sit and eat outside - especially for Liam in his vest.

“Why don’t you come and sit in the back with me, Liam?” Louis asked with a slight grin.

“Are you sure? I’m only your _driver_ after all,” Liam said half jokingly.

“Yes, I’m sure, you git. Now get in. I have something for you.”

Liam got into the backseat as quick as humanly possible, and Louis handed him the envelope.

“Here, open this first, then we’ll eat. Or you’ll get stains all over it,” Louis said.

Liam opened it, and “Oh wow, Louis, tickets to a Rovers game?”

“Yep, and notice they’re for the VIP-box, and for any game you want. I just thought, you might want to hold off coming to a game until I’m fit and ready to shine on the field again. Seeing as you’re my biggest fan and all, at least, that’s what your boss said, right?”

Louis watched Liam’s face intently for clues.

Liam broke out into a big grin. “Wouldn’t want to miss the great Tommo play, now would I?”

“I’ll even sign my game shirt from today, if you want me to. Although it’s quite dirty and sweaty. Do you like it dirty and sweaty?” Louis asked cheekily.

Liam ducked his head between his shoulders, but kept looking Louis in the eye.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Ok,” Louis said breathily. “Now that we’re both sufficiently warmed up again. Let’s eat.”

 

_“It’s nice sitting here with you, Li.”_

_“I like sitting here with you too, Lou. I just hope Mr. Malik will never find out that we sat on the hood of his car. He’d have my head.”_

_“Who cares. You should resign your job as his driver anyway, and become mine. Ooh, and be my bodyguard as well. Proper romantic.”_

_Liam wraps his arm closer around Louis’ shoulder and pulls him in. He kisses Louis’ lips gently._

 

After they finished the sandwiches and drinks, Liam got into the driver’s seat again.

“Could you take us to the countryside for a bit and just drive?” Louis asked with a soft, sleepy voice. 

He really didn’t want this day to end, so he started reading one of the comics they found in the car. 

Maybe if he closed his eyes for a little nap. Louis snuggled up to Donny on his lap, and he felt warm and cozy and safe with Liam driving him.

Just when he was drifting off, Liam started talking softly. To his phone apparently.

“Yeah, no, he’s asleep. And thanks for that dick move you pulled at the hospital.”

“...”

Liam giggled softly.

“No hard feelings mate. Been a pretty decent day actually.

“...”

“No, I don’t think he found out yet. I’ve been very careful.”

“...”

“Yeah, some rescues. Had to be done, you know me, haha.”

“...”

“Okay, see you later Zayn.”

And then Louis finally fell asleep.

 

When he woke up, it was because the car was standing still in front of a big gate. Liam pushed the little black button next to the red blinking light and the gate opened.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Louis muttered softly “That’s anticlimactic.” And then louder, “Hey, Liam, I didn’t tell you to drive here. Where is here?”

Liam remained quiet and drove up to the tall building. When he turned off the ignition, Liam’s door was opened for him.

“Good evening Mr. Payne, welcome home,” Mr. Malik said.

“Hi Zayn, it’s good to be home. It was a long day,” Liam said as he was helped by Mr. Malik - or Zayn - into a really nice leather jacket. 

Zayn also took his glasses from him. 

“You won’t be needing your disguise anymore,” Zayn said. “Not that they fooled anyone. I still can’t believe Superman got away with that.”

“Zayn,” Liam said as he grabbed Zayn gently by the shoulders. “I owe you an apology.”

“Nah, you really don’t. Today was apology enough. I enjoyed my day off.”

Liam sank down on one knee.

“I hereby state that I, Liam James Payne of Payne Superheroes Incorporated was wrong to imply that your job as assistant and driver is easy.”

“Ah, get up and come here,” Zayn said while dramatically wiping away fake tears. They hugged tightly.

Louis was completely baffled by the situation.

Apparently, Zayn was not rich and not a dick. And Liam was the boss and not the driver? Huh.

 

Louis crossed his arms in front of him and tried to come off as intimidating and pissed off as possible, balancing on one foot against the car.

“ _Mr. Payne_ , would you care to explain this whole situation to me? I do not appreciate being the butt of this elaborate joke or scam or whatever the fuck this is. Was any of it even real?”

“Well, I am a real fan of yours, and I really appreciate your gifts, although I already own a sky-box at the stadium, but I will treasure your shirt and autograph,” Liam said with a fond smile.

That really threw Louis off his rant for a short moment.

When he spoke up again he continued with a much smaller voice, “But I thought we were getting to be mates, and we might have had a moment back there at the river, and now I find out it’s all-”

“Will you ever shut up?”

Before Louis could argue Liam grabbed Louis’ head between his large hands and kissed him insistently. When Liam drew back a little he winced and touched his split lip.

“Being a real life hero is not all it’s cracked up to be, is it?” Louis said teasingly and he snuggled into Liam’s warm body.

“I don’t mind, as long as I get the girl in the end.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quote from the Rihanna song: [Shut Up and Drive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up7pvPqNkuU)
> 
> [](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up7pvPqNkuU)
> 
> Quote used from the Phineas and Ferb song: [My Name is Doof](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kRHpBFs-V4)
> 
> [Stripscene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z39mhyAt9g) from the movie Flashdance
> 
> Referred articles on invisibility [1](http://arxiv.org/abs/1409.4705), [2](http://www.iflscience.com/physics/ordinary-lens-used-cloaking-device)
> 
> My tumblr [linvro](http://linvro.tumblr.com)
> 
> [](http://linvro.tumblr.com)


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